1. Women: Try not to look like too much of a hooch.
Are you selling your breasts or your brain? This isn’t a MySpace ad, and, unless you’re hoping to star on Spankwire, put them away. If you’re not that smart, at least attempt to come across as reasonably intelligent. Writing “I never read the news” is not a turn-on. Guys want girls who can have a conversation about current events. Trust me.

2. Men: That shirt is too tight.
No, really, enough with the guido act. If you’ve tried to make it right by taking off your shirt and taking another picture, big mistake.

3. Recovering frat boys and sorority girls.
If you’re in your 30s and you’re still talking about how much fun you had in college in your internet profile at these ball busting beer keggers, I want you to take a long hiatus from reading this, and go get a life. In fact, if you need help getting a life, I can help you.

4. Show your teeth.
My boyfriend’s brother claims he won’t go out with any girl whose photo doesn’t include pictures of her teeth. You’re not one of the Olsen twins, so let your potential suitor know if you have jacked teeth or not.

5. This isn’t a “Am I Hot or Not” advertisement.
That said, a friend whose profile I helped with, chose photos based upon whether he received high ratings on Am I Hot or Not. Didn’t work for him, and it won’t work for you. Are you a model? I didn’t think so.

6. Choose photos where your in-person looks exceed the online pictures.
If you’re a fatty, hey, you’re a fatty. If you’re attractive, lucky you! You can still put up an above-average photo and then wow her even more withher with your David Hasselhoff figure during date #1.

7. Don’t lie about your height.
Men, there are a lot of tall women out there. The majority like to wear heels. If you’re 5′8, please don’t write that you’re 5′10. The last thing you want is the spike of her stilletos damaging the one area she might actually be impressed with.