DomestiGals!

It is with tremendous enthusiasm that I write to you on this fine day.  First of all, where the *bleep* have we been?  DomestiGal Sue finally went from a Domestic Partnership to becoming a Wedded Woman, and DomestiGal Jen is getting married IN A MONTH!  Um, hello!

Ooh… I’m so tempted to show you real pictures of my wonderful, perfect wedding to The Doctor.  I looked absolutely salacious in my hot red dress.  And, even better with my gorgeous wedding ring!  Check it, ladies: Wedding Rings

Could you possibly find a better wedding ring site?  Our good friend Rachel sent us an e-mail about her wedding ring site, and we were hooked!  (We know you will be too).

But back to us… we know you’re just drooling all over your wedding gowns to see photos of Jen & I together.  Maybe we’ll treat you to some fancy pix of what we’ve been up to over the last few months.  We’ve missed you!

Love,

Wifey Sue

Um, hello Sue,

Obv you will need to wear your red wedding dress again… when you marry me and The Lawyer!

Seriously. So make sure your sister uses stretchy material (jersey, anyone? Anyone? Bueller?) in case you get knocked up. Which you know you will. Bring on the JewAsian babies!

Here in the UK, it is Day Nine of The Reign of the Ring of Dreams. I have gotten nothing but A to the Mazing feedback on my engagement ring, from girls and boys alike! I have been taking a tally of words most often used to describe the ring, and here are the top three:

1. Sparkly

2. Gorgeous

3. HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Ok, that last one is not an all-out bronze medalist. It’s basically tied with “beautiful,” “amazing,” and “ice rink.”)

I kid, I kid! I told The Lawyer that I did not want a Finger-Chopper, i.e. an engagement ring that, if worn in public, would result in my getting my ring finger chopped off. So The Lawyer sized it brilliantly - just big enough to stand out, but not so big that I walk lop-sided, my left hand hanging lower than my right.

Not that there is anything wrong with Finger-Choppers. Some of my fave celebs’ engagement rings are total Finger-Choppers! In fact, my two favorite Finger-Choppers of all-time happen to belong to the world’s hottest and first WAGs: Coleen McLoughlin (Mrs. Wayne Rooney) and Victoria Beckham (Mrs. David Hottiehottieboomalottie Beckham/Posh Spice). Check ‘em:

The incredible engagement ring of Coleen McLoughlin, via iconocast.com

The uberPosh ring of Victoria Beckham, via daylife.com

I mean. Whoa. Right?

So, the Ring of Dreams will not be losing me any fingers (knock on wood), but it certainly has brought me incredible joy.

What more can a girl - um, Gal - dream for?

xoxo,

DomestiGal Jen

Jen.

I mean.  This is just beyond the beyond.

I am drooling and weeping at the sight of your gynormous and bee-u-ti-ful ring of dreams.

Oops! This is Sue's moissanite ring of dreams!

But back to you.

Clearly I am drooling because the monster-of-an-engagement-ring with baguettes and diamond side stones will be the envy of all your MBA girlfriends.

And I’m weeping because the diamond ring is so bright, that I think it has caused my slanty Asian eyes to get a bit weepy.

But mostly I’m weeping out of relief.

Thank the Goddess of the DomestiGals that you have finally, finally, finally received your diamond ring of dreams!  Now we can all RIP.

I mean, should DomestiGals be shut down now that you’ve gotten your engagement ring?

Seriously, what are you going to do now that you’re actually engaged?  Since you’ve planned your entire wedding, I think you might actually be able to *enjoy* your engagement!  You may as well just buy an orange wedding dress for fun just to prance around in.  Oh wait — or worse!  Why don’t you make your bridesmaids wear orange dresses and infuriate them!  How fun!

Jen's bridesmaids should dress as courtesans!

You see, this is why I could never have a traditional wedding.  I would simply torture all my poor little bridesmaids and make them all walk down the aisles with poodles in matching orange dresses!  Ha!

Imagine me in orange dress above!

Okay, now that’s actually making me want to have a wedding.  I should probably just stop. right. here.

Congrats, Jen!  I can’t think of anyone who deserves this amazing engagement ring more than you!

Love,

Sue

Uy, uy, uy.

DomestiGals, who am I?

I look at my gorgeous self in the mirror and don’t even recognize me. Why, oh why, am I all of a sudden wanting a fake diamond ring? DomestiGal Sue hearts moissanite engagement rings — all of them.

Jen, last weekend when you flew into NYC for the weekend with the rock-solid Lawyer (more on that later), did I soak up too much of your fabulous girly-ness? By the way, The Doctor and I so enjoyed watching you and your man SPLIT THREE ENTREES between the two of you.

(No comment on what Colossus, your personal trainer, must have said when he pinched the fat around your knee upon your return to the gym.)

Perhaps it’s because I just returned from a Manhattan fundraiser for The Bottomless Closet, where all the usual Upper East Side women were there with their 3.5 karat blinders. Thank god I’m Asian and have slightly slanty eyes, so I can’t let in too much sparkle.

Thank you, lady blogger Kathryn, for the link to the Diamond Nexus Labs. I’ve officially wasted the last 45 minutes staring at bling.

Ladies, which do you like the most from Diamond Nexus Labs? Of course they’re all fake, and I hope they follow Jen’s cardinal four F rules.

What do you think? Callisto or Gwyneth?

I think I’ll try to convince The Doctor to stop cleaning behind the oven (I know, forget about the Ring of Dreams, I’ve got The Man of Dreams) and come and take a look at my newest choices.

Oh, and Jen, The Lawyer is looking H-O-T. I mean, I’ve known your fiance-to-be since 1996, and he is officially made of steel. You may be able to cut your platinum ring across his triple-tricep-whammy one day.

And you, my darling, looked stunning as usual.

Love,

Sue

HOLY CRAP SUE.

The only thing that would interrupt me from my Obama Victory Party (by which I mean eating peanut butter straight out of the jar and crying with joy and relief and probably the extra dose of hormones in my new birth control pills - I mean WHY can they not make low-dose pills in the UK?! Come on people! - while watching his victory speech online) is this miraculous news that you have seen the light! Well, either that or you have been blinded by the rays emanating from your mumsy’s fake diamond ring. Either way, this is tres exciting.

So do tell! What does your mom’s ring look like? Do you like it or do you want a different style? Are you sure you want moissanite (which, honey, you really can’t call “moissanite diamond”…unless you insert “fake” between the two words, dear) or perhaps does a wee part of your hot Asian self want The Doctor to splurge on a real diamond? Surely he can find a way to splurge now that you are seeing a financial advisor/therapist.

Though I must caution you, Sue. Make sure this is just not a whim! Don’t get my hopes up that you will soon be sporting a blingalicious domestic partnership ring only to dash them and decide to wear that ring you liked that looks like a gift my 6th grade boyfriend gave me.

Not that this is about me.

But before you ask, YES, I am still sans Ring of Dreams. However! It’s now November which can mean only one thing (to moi, anyway): bonus season is almost just around the corner! Which means my Ring of Dreams draws ever closer to becoming a Ring of Reality…

Though I must say, I find it interesting that many of the married girls in my program are sporting neither diamond engagement rings nor diamond wedding bands. Kind of horrible, I know. But apparently diamond engagement rings are not the worldwide obsession I so naively and Americanly assumed they were.

But before The Lawyer should breathe a sigh of relief, let me confirm the fact that I cannot WAIT to blow my classmates away with the gorgeosity of my Ring of Dreams.

Not that this is about me.

So we need more details, stat!

And ladies out there, I second Sue’s motion - post pics of your rings and link to us! Or send us pics of your rings and we’ll post them! Sue needs our input ASAP!

xoxo,

DomestiGal Jen

Girls, here it is. This is what DomestiGal Sue actually looks like.

Okay, sort of. But. Um, not really at all.

Because I’m way hotter.

Totally diggin’ her cleavage though. Clearly pronounced by that diamond necklace and the V-neck dress.

Anyway.

So, I think I’m ready. Not really for a diamond *diamond* ring. But for a moissanite diamond ring.

Did DomestiGal Jen just faint? Wake up, darling, you heard right!

Here’s the deal. Last weekend I flew back to Vermont to visit mumsy and daddykins for my dad’s 60th birthday. I showed my mom my Domestic Partnership ring and the Asian woman did not approve. Okay, mind you, it was also the first time she was seeing my youngest sister’s way-too-fabulous Tiffany’s diamond engagement ring, but still.

Can you really compare my Domestic Partnership ring to a Tiffany’s ring?

In typical, manipulative Asian mom style, she did the deepest, dirtiest trick: she made me try on all her diamond and pseudo-diamond rings. Including her wedding ring.

Then, mommy dearest made me fly back to NYC wearing one of these beyond fabulous pseudo-diamond rings. I may or may not be wearing it now while blogging.

Anyway, I’m now entranced. DomestiGal ooh-I’m-so-different-anti-diamond Sue (ew, I’m so sick of myself) has now turned into DomestiGal I NEED A DIAMOND RING STAT Sue.

The next thing you know, I may actually want to get married, or something terribly perverse like that.

Ladies, please, please, please take pictures of her beautiful diamond rings and post them now.

Wait, why are you still reading?

Run — run like an Asian tourist to your camera and snap those photos!

I’m begging you!

Love,

Diamond Diva Sue